Don't you just hate it when you go to a shop or a restaurant and you get bad service?

What do you do when that happens to you? Do you just grin and bear it? Do you kick up a fuss but end up just wasting more of your own time? Do you moan to your friends and family but never do anything to actually resolve the problem?

At the bottom of why we tend to accept bad service, or handle it in an unhelpful way, is a lack of confidence. A lack of confidence in our own self-worth - "Do I really deserve to be treated better than this?", plus a lack of confidence in our own ability to communicate assertively about the problem.

The first issue - "confidence in our own self-worth" is fundamental to everything we do in life.

If you feel you are being treated badly, then you ARE being treated badly.

Nobody deserves to be treated unfairly or disrespectfully, so you have a fundamental right to stand up for yourself and ask to be treated in a more fair and respectful way.

Believe in your own self-worth and believe that you have the fundamental right to be treated fairly and respectfully.

Complete some of the confidence building exercises within Life Coaching Studio and boost your own self worth - there are practical assignments specifically to help you with this.

The second issue - "confidence in our ability to communicate assertively" is another fundamental of life.

To have our needs, wants and desires met, we have to be able to communicate with other people. Babies cry for attention to their needs.

As we grow we acquire the ability to talk and develop a vocabulary with which we can express our needs in a more precise way.

We can all express our needs - we don't need long or fancy words to express what's wrong and how we would like it to be put right.

I witnessed a scenario in which a friend of mine would not speak up in a restaurant where he felt he was getting bad service.

When I asked him why he wouldn't speak up he told me that he didn't know what to say.

However, when we arrived back at his house, he went on for hours to his family about what had happened and how mad he felt about it - he certainly wasn't lost for words then!

We have the power to communicate - we must develop the confidence to use it.

The secret of complaining well is to focus on the problem not the personalities.

If something is wrong, ask to speak to the salesperson, or the server, and tell them calmly and precisely what the issue is.

Give them the opportunity to put things right at "grass roots" level.

Often that is all that is needed. They will apologise to you and put the matter right.

If however, this does not happen, then ask, politely but assertively, to speak to the Manager.

Once again, focus on the problem, not the personality.

If someone has been rude to you - say so - but don't start being rude about them or you will lose your own argument.

Sometimes a Manager will ask how you would like the matter to be resolved.

If this happens then be prepared to say something helpful.

You have stated what you don't like and what you don't want - now be prepared to state what you would like and what you do want - use positive vocabulary.

If you want to leave the shop or restaurant, and you want a full refund, then say so and say why you feel that this would be the fairest way forward.

If you are calm, the situation will stay calm. If you are firm but fair, then you will keep the upper hand in the argument.

Give the staff the opportunity to put things right.

If things are still not to your satisfaction or expectation, then say so, and take the matter further by writing to the Head Office and setting out your complaint in writing.

If, however, as is often the case, they are able to put things right there and then, and you are now satisfied, make sure you say, "Thank You" in a firm, fair manner.

This will reinforce your image as a fair person who has made a valid point that they can all learn from.

It will also ensure that you are treated with respect the next time you visit that particular shop or restaurant.

You have the right and you have the ability - now you will have the CONFIDENCE to use them!