A lot of your confidence problems can actually be pinned down to how you communicate in terms of the words that you use, how you say them, your body language and obviously the outcome of your communication!

Throughout this article we will look at some strategies to enhance your communication skills - both verbal and non-verbal.

What words and phrases are you currently using?

You know, you could be sabotaging yourself with regards to the words that you use in your everyday conversations.

I'd like you to think about the situation that I'm about to describe and then in the space below that write down what you would say to your best friend on how you are feeling - pretend that you are actually having a conversation with them.

Ok, here it is:

You wake up one morning only to find that you're alarm clock didn't work, you're going to have to really rush to get in on time. Your hair is a mess, you can't have any breakfast.

You arrive 30 minutes late for work, where an emergency meeting has been called, that you are now late for and you turn up and one of your colleagues says a sly remark to you.

Hot and flustered you haven't got any agenda, you don't what is going on and then your boss asks you a question that you should know the answer to but your don't.

Now, below I'd like you to describe the feelings and emotions you felt throughout that experience in a conversation that you would have with a friend:

Now analyse the words that you used, what was their intensity?

• Did you use FURIOUS instead of ANNOYED?
• Did you use ANGRY instead of PEEVED?
• Did you use PROBLEM instead of INCONVIENIENCED?

You see, the intensity of the words that you use trains the conscious and subconscious mind to believe those words.

Try to tone down the confidence destroying words when things go wrong, try and use different words to the normal ones that you use that are lower in intensity.

When people used to do things behind my back I always referred to my friends that they had "Sold me down the river" and had "stitched me up".

Really, in the context of things, the activities that the people had done were no more than a little annoying.

But because I had used those high intensity words, there was steam coming out of my ears!

What words do you use most frequently that are high in intensity?

Write them down now:

And now write down alternative words to use in similar situations:

I want you to start using these words instead and just watch the change in your feelings.

Some more information:

The words that you say to yourself in your mind and out aloud will have an impact on how you are feeling.

Do you use:

"I'm feeling tired"
"I'm stupid"
"I'm angry"
"I'm livid"
"I'm overwhelmed"
"I'm feeling insecure"
"I'm depressed"

The intensity of those negative sayings will have an effect on how you feel.

Just imagine that instead of saying -

"I'm really nervous"

You said to yourself -

"I'm really excited"

Do you think it would make you feel better?

Of course it would. The feelings and emotions linked to nervousness and excitement are actually the same.

So, what other words could you replace the negative sayings with:

Try to swapping :

"I'm feeling tired" to "I'm feeling unresourceful"
"I'm stupid" to "I'm learning"
"I'm angry" to "I'm a little annoyed"
"I'm livid" to "I'm a little miffed"
"I'm overwhelmed" to "I'm feeling busy"
"I'm feeling insecure" to "I'm questioning"
"I'm depressed" to "I'm feeling I'm not on top of things"

When you lower the intensity of the words and phrase you lower the intensity of the feeling.