How many times have you made a stand with your children and said a resounding "NO" only to give in to those hound-dog eyes!

Giving in to your kids saves you a lot of hassle and tears but when you say NO in the future your kids really know that you mean yes!

Here are some tips to say NO and mean it with confidence!

Make a "NO" more valuable and it will be easier to say!

Remember that you were their age once. What did you think and feel everytime your parents kept saying no all of the time?

Frustrated?

Rebellious?

Before saying the automatic NO, that a lot of parents feel they have to do, just wait for a moment and think about it.

Is their request unreasonable?

When you think about it, a lot of NO's could and should be YES'S.

By saying YES a lot more than you do you will be actually making the NO's a lot more serious and your kids will take a NO as you mean business.

If you keep saying NO to everything, it loses it's value.

Put yourself in your childrens position when they make a request. Are you being fair to them? How would you feel?

Make a win win situation out of a potential NO

So your daughter wants to go out clubbing with her mates.

Your immediate response is NO!

However, remember that you were probably once in this position yourself with your parents!

Instead of saying a resounding NO, surprise her by saying yes and then establish the ground rules.

So things such as:

Who is she going with?
What time they will get picked up at?
That they must stick together etc
Make it a win for your daughter and win for you i.e your peace of mind!

Call up the parents of whom she is going out with, make sure that you are both singing off the same hym sheet.

Also mention to your daughter that these are the boundaries that she must stick to or else next time it will be a NO.

Work on your NO look!

When you need to communicate a NO to your children make sure that you look them straight in the eye when you say it.

By using your body and facial expressions they will soon pick up that you mean NO.

I have seen so many parents say a NO whilst their back is turned to their children.

It is far more powerful and engages a lot more of the senses if you stop whatever you are doing and look at your child and say a firm NO.

In time, you will only have to look at your children in a certain way and they will know that you mean business!

Sound like you mean it

When saying NO make sure that you sound as though you mean it.

If you want to, why don't you rehearse saying it?

Go somewhere quiet and experiment saying NO until you find one that sounds firm and fair.

For more tips on assertiveness, check out the section in Confidenceworld called COMMUNICATIONS AND BEING ASSERTIVE.

Redirect attention away from the NO

A useful technique to use is called deflection/diversion.

With this you say NO and then immediately follow it with a diversionary tactic.

For example, your child says he wants to sit in the front seat of the car, you reply with:

"No, you can't sit in the front seat of the car, how about we get an icecream when we get to the park?"

Sneaky, but what the heck!

Talking of sneaky!

To make saying NO a lot easier in the future it is very important to sow the seeds of the desired behaviour that you expect from your child.

So, everytime you are with your child and you see other people or children behaving in a certain way or playing up their Mum and Dad you come in with "Oh my god, you would never behave like that would you?"

Explain your reasons why

Have you ever just yelled NO and not bothered to tell your children why you have said no?

The least they deserve is an explanation as to why you have said no.

Take the time out to explain the reasons why.

Make sure that the reasons are constructive though, not like:

"Because I said so"
or
"Because everyone doesn't do it"

Instead talk slowly and methodically;

"I don't want you playing in that area because it is full of glass and I don't want you to hurt yourself if you fall over and cut your knee. You wouldn't like that would you?"

If a NO is going to cause tension, diffuse the bomb before it goes off!

Make light of it by saying the NO in a funny voice or an impression of someone.

Some parents say it in a different language and I've even heard parents sing it!

Anything to diffuse the situation and then explain the reasons why in a more serious manner.