Miscommunication occurs when we delete, distort and generalise information from the outside as well as our own thought process.

Our every experience is something that we literally make up inside our heads. We do not experience reality directly, since we are always deleting, distorting and generalising.

Let's just recap once more on how we react and respond to any piece of information.

We receive information via one of our senses.

Our filters then determine our internal representation of that event.

It is our internal representation that puts us in a certain state and this in turns creates our physiology.

The state in which we find ourselves, will determine our behaviour or reaction to what happens around us.

Sometimes, the extent of our deletion, distortion and generalisation causes our version of reality to be sufficiently different to other people's for misunderstanding, or even conflict to occur.

Effective communications

So far we have looked at the communications process and how miscommunications can occur.

A study at the University of Pennsylvania in 1970 questioned students on their ability to understand information depending on the deliver of that communication.

From that study they produced a well know diagram that illustrates what is the composition of typical face to face communications.

7% of what we communicate is the results of the words that we say, or the content of the communication

38% of our communication to others is a result of VERBAL behaviour. This includes the tonality of our voice, tempo, pitch, volume etc

55% of our communication to others is a result of our NON-VERBAL communication to others.

Our body language is so important it makes up over half of the composition of successful communications. Examples include facial expressions, posture, breathing, moving etc.

Learning points so far and some rules for EFFECTIVE communications

1. The other persons model of the world is different to our own
You should respect the other person's model of the world because to him or her it's the way that they see it just as you have your own conclusions and beliefs.

2. Physiology and the state of the mind
The way that you are moving your body and your posture will have an affect on the way that you are thinking and the way that you are thinking will have an affect on your physiology.

3. There are no failures only outcomes
Just like everything in life no matter what you intended by your communication, there will be an outcome and that will come through the response you get from the other person. Whatever interpretation they have made will be true for them.

4. Learn from feedback and modify your approach
Look at the outcomes that you are getting from your communications and modify your approach. Use the results of communication as feedback and learn from it all the time. When your observations or feedback indicates that the results are not what you intended, do something else.

5. A person behaves the way they do, because they just do
Remember that a person behaves the way that they do because it fits in with their values. If we cannot understand why someone behaved in such a way then what we are saying is that we do not understand his or her values.

6. Behaviour is the result of the thinking process and emotional state
Behaviour is not the person; you need to look beyond the behaviour at the beliefs, values and other things that make up the identity of that person.

7. Flexibility is key
A person utilising a flexible approach to communication will ensure that a less flexible person is usually responding to them. This is important when influencing another person

8. Use the ultimate success formula to get what you want
To formulate the outcome that you desire you should first decide what it is that you want, how you are going to achieve it, execute the plan, work out what is working and what isn't and if necessary change your approach.