We’ve all been there. Stuck. Can’t go forward. Can’t go back. Sinking in one place. There’s a problem to be solved, but we just can’t see the solution. We want to find some life balance, create a new career, get past a business problem, end our financial difficulties, but we’re stuck. There seem to be so many constraints that we can’t do anything OR there are so many possibilities that we’re overwhelmed and immobilized by the sheer number of options. Either way, we’re stuck! So what can we do when we’re bogged down in this mental quagmire?

1. Step back and try to get some mental distance. As someone once said, “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” It’s very easy to get so focused on the situation that we can’t even see the solutions right in front of us. I once had some puppies that were in a space with a small fence around it and they tried and tried to get out by jumping over the fence. One day, part of the fence was damaged, leaving an opening. Two of the puppies noticed the gap and walked out. The third remained in the yard, trying and trying to jump the fence, never stopping, reevaluating the situation, and noticing that there was a solution two feet to his right.
One of the ways we can disengage is to remove ourselves from the problem for a bit. Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you stop thinking about something for a while the solution pops into your head? Or, have you ever found that if you can put the issue aside for a bit that when you return to the problem you find a new perspective or see something you overlooked before? I’ve had some of my most productive ideas when exercising, traveling long distance, reading something completely unrelated, and playing with friends and family. Now, when I’m completely stuck, I’ll deliberately stop thinking so hard about it and go do something else for a while just to clear my mind and get that much needed mental distance.

2. Forget the “problem” and focus on outcomes. This is critical because if we don’t know what results we want we’ll get bogged down with any problem that comes up and get so focused on one particular solution that we’ll forget (or never realize) the actual problem. For example:
o The puppy that kept trying to jump the fence saw his problem as getting over the fence. He completely missed that what he really wanted was to simply to get out of the yard.
o In the past several months I have been unsuccessfully trying to sell a house. This had been wearing heavily on me because I am making a payment on a house that I’m not using. But when I stepped back I realized that my problem is not that I want to sell a house. My problem is that I am losing money on an empty house. This may sound like a subtle distinction, but it opens up many more possible solutions.
o I sometimes have people approach me to help them start a business. In some instances it turns out that the problem to be solved is not “how do I start a business?” but rather, “how do I get out of a job that’s making me miserable?”
o From time to time I also get asked whether or not I think something is possible, such as, “is it possible to have a balanced life?” or “is it possible for me to open a restaurant?” On the surface these sound like straightforward questions. But, they’re actually so general that they completely skip over the actual problem because they ignore any constraints that a person may face. More to the point, the specific desired results need to be defined. For example, in wanting to create more life balance does this person want a more fulfilling career, less stress, better time management, better relationships, etc.? Developing a fulfilling career is a different issue than improving time management skills. Likewise, restaurants in general are feasible, but there are so many factors around business success (e.g., location, products, pricing, competition, market needs/demands, overhead, operational efficiency, initial resources, etc.) AND each person defines business success differently, so what is meant by “possible” needs to be clarified. The problem isn’t, “Is this possible?” The problem is, “Given my constraints and the results I want, how can I make this work?”
o When marketing a business it is very possible to get so focused on the type of marketing that we forget that the purpose is to attract and gain customers. For example, why spend several thousand dollars in time and money creating a super elaborate website if: 1) the same market could have been reached with a very simple website; or 2) the market in question would be better served by other marketing techniques such as an ad in the yellow pages. The problem is not, “how do I create the world’s greatest web page?” The problem is, “what is the most cost effective way to attract the most customers?”

3. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that repeating the problem over and over is the same as problem solving. Yes, we do need to get clear on the specific problem AND as soon as we have identified the outcomes we want, we need to dedicate our time to identifying solutions and taking actions to create those results. This is done by asking, “How can I?”
If your business is losing money, telling yourself (and anyone who will listen), “I can’t make enough to pay my bills!” will only keep you stuck. Asking yourself, “How can I create enough income to pay my bills?” will help yank you out of your mental rut and generate possible solutions that you can begin putting to work.
Other examples include:

“How can I spend more time with my family?” vs. “I can’t find time for my family!”
“How can I get a promotion?” vs. “I always get passed over for promotion!”
“How can I attract more customers?” vs. “I can’t get any new business!”
“How can I create more value for my clients?” vs. “I’m losing clients!”
“How can I discover my ideal career?” vs. “I hate this job!”
“How can I become more efficient with my time?” vs. “I am so bad at managing my time!”
“How can I start an innovative restaurant?” vs. “That business will never work!”
“How can I get better returns on my investments?” vs. “The market is terrible – I’m just losing money!”

4. Brainstorm possible solutions (without judging feasibility). So often we constrain ourselves by false assumptions or assumptions that only exist in certain situations. For example, when trying to sell the house I operated from the constraint that “I won’t rent the house because I don’t want to deal with managing tenants.” This is true – in most situations. But what if someone else managed it for me or what if I rented to someone I know and trust? Getting beyond my initial constraint opens up several possible options. And this is what brainstorming does – it gets us past false constraints and assumptions. It’s also very useful to have other people brainstorm with, because they are not aware of our assumptions and may come up with ideas we would have missed (which is one of the benefits that a consultant or new management brings to a business). After we’ve generated a good list of possibilities, THEN we can go back through and decide which are most appropriate.

5. Take action – Now! So often we know what we need to do but can’t seem to take action. As Will Rogers said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” One of the most common ways we get stuck is by falling into the perfectionist’s trap of not wanting to do anything if we can’t do it perfectly (aka fear of failure). This creates a situation where we are afraid of doing something because we don’t want to fail so we don’t take the action so we fail because we never create the results we want. Paradoxically, when we accept “failures” as a part of learning and creating solutions it removes the fear and we are able to take action and are much more likely to succeed by creating our desired outcomes. In so many situations imperfect action beats perfect inaction. Anthony Robbins summed it up perfectly (ha!) when he said, “The key to success is to take massive, determined action!”
The flip side of fear of failing is when we get stuck because we want to do too many things and can’t choose between them. We lock up and end up not doing anything. If everything is at the same level of priority, it’s generally better to pick one, take action, and see it through. Better to get something done than nothing.

6. Enlist outside help. Consultants, coaches, mentors, advisors, and other objective people can all be a tremendous help to getting unstuck because they already have mental distance from the problem, they can help you identify what the true problem is by clarifying what outcomes you really want, turn your attention from the problem to finding a solution and giving you the nudge to begin taking action, help you brainstorm solutions without the hindrance of your assumed constraints, and give you the nudge and accountability you need to begin taking action.

Let’s bring this into our daily lives...

1. Where are you stuck? What problems are you hung up on?



2. What can you do to disengage from the problem for a bit?



3. Forgetting the problems for a minute, what results do you want? If this was an ideal world and you didn’t have any constraints, what results would you want?


4. How can you create those results? What could you do to create those results?



5. What are 25 ways you could create the results you want?



6. Of those 25, which five are most realistic for you?



7. Of those five, which are you most willing/capable of doing?



8. What actions will you take right now today?



9. Who can you enlist to help you get unstuck?

© 2003 Broc Edwards. All rights reserved. May be distributed if full attribution is given and copyright notice is included.

About the Author

Broc Edwards is a personal effectiveness and balance coach who works with business owners, professionals, and individuals to help them create their ideal businesses and lives. Broc is typically sought to help people create better results, get past their stumbling blocks and blind spots, start and grow their own business, achieve personal and professional goals, get more done in less time, become better managers and leaders, accelerate personal and professional development, and create balanced and fulfilling businesses and lives. As one client put it, Broc “helps people get out of their own way.”

In addition to individual coaching, Broc publishes the weekly e-newsletter “Living From Choice”, conducts TeleSeminars and presentations, and is the creator of the “It’s Time for ME!™ Life Balance System”. You can learn more about how Broc can help you grow your business and transform your life at www.targeted-results.com or you can reach Broc directly at broc@targeted-results.com or 888.415.7056.

Life Coach